Transparent.

I had to write this up just to process a moment.

This moment on Sunday night was good. That is to say, it had the wholeness and fullness of a truly good – God given – thing. My church hosted a small, quiet acoustic worship event. And for the first time in quite some time I could sing earnest praise to God from the very depths of my heart. It was song that emerged from my very soul, and it was song not based on how God had helped me, nor was it based on my circumstance. The emerging worship and praise arose plainly and simply from the wonder of God.

I sang praises with the renewed realization that my life will go to dust. I worshiped with the truth of what my life was – a mist, a vapor and a brief breath. God gave me a place where in light of seeing Him, I saw what I really was, and what my life really was to Him. My life in the physical realm is temporary and short. In seeing God in all His wonder, He showed me where my life was at an end and will end, and in contrast where it will, and has begun – with Him.

By revealing Himself, He showed me a glimpse of the reality of life on earth – temporal. In quick moments, I saw beyond what my job was, beyond what my days of school, and suffering had been – so very temporary and so small in light of God’s vast eternity. For what felt like 15 seconds and yet hit me like a wonderful weight, He helped me grasp the eternity of His character and the mist that is my job, my imperfections, my “situations” … my life. Permanence is fleeting.

I would describe this as one of the few times emotion was not a factor, or a negligible influence in why I worshiped. It was purely a hit of truth, guided by the Spirit. I knew it was true because the impact and reality took deeper than any emotion could ever penetrate. Worship in truth and the Spirit made my life transparent – in my heart and mind I understood (to the best of what my mind could comprehend) for a brief second, God’s eternity and His utter kindness and vast grace that stand alone, and that stand beyond circumstance.

The experience is so hard to describe, and no words feel adequate. All I can say is that for the first time in a long time, emotion didn’t mask anything, in fact it was truth and the Spirit that peeled away my pride and enabled me to praise God with all that I am.

I think the hymn “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus” describes the moment well:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

So Monday rolls around and now my heart feels so tired, especially when I think on how much I have to do in a day, and what I need to concern myself over. However, the best part of coming out of a Worship night like Sunday’s is that I have a better grasp about the truth of life and circumstances. God’s Spirit can and will continually renew and reveal more of God’s truth to me, even in my droning and most draining days of living. I have a firm foundation that has been set by God – it is His true word, which holds the promise of Himself.